Where to even start the good news is its kinda hard to remember the cloud that hovers is stress and it can not be quickly brushed aside and may not be forgotten the waves of depression are strong and come in vairing depth and I'm not sure why but I have become at one with them the suppression is not an option and im not going to allow it to over run me however I think that I might not be able to hold on to my dreams if the clouds don’t pass im not sure that its worth the effort its like the opossum trap and am I dumb enough to hold on to the things that might eventually lead to my demise im not sure if it is going to be ok im not sure if im going to be ok not sure if I ever want to be ok what is so god damn great about being ok is it some utopian sense of feeling ok that drives us to go on living is the mundane reality not enough for most that we can no longer be merry as we are lost in the mire and surrounded by pain and problems have we for so long had what was precious to us taken that now we find ways to remove ourselves from the possibiility of happiness is it such a horrible nightmare to accept the fact that we might not be cursed and that the worst of it all might be over is that such a harsh reality that we can not see thru the thoughts of painfull past reggression how long will we hold on to what took us so far down we said we never go back yet here we find ourselves where the hell are we and how did we get here and who brought us surly we didn’t willingly lead ourselves to this place